I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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