So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dicks are not precious.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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