When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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