I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
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Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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