why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
