i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
