If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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