I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
