TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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