grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
