Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
