if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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