I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
