Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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