Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
