Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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