whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
