listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
