Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
so let's talk penis.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
