dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
