the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
