did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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