Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
