My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
