Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
