watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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