just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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