I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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