I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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