you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
