just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Sacagawea was the original milf.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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