Tell her she can't have a vagina
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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