Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
