2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
