so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
