if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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