I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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