I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
