good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
