Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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