Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
