you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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