Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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