Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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