Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Randomize
