90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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