so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
