she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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