i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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