i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
