That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
