Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize