if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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