make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Never underestimate the power of titties
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