I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
