when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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