Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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