omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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