he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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