As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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