I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
