rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
