Betty ford says i'm here all night
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
