you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
