im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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